When Panic Strikes: Keep Calm and Carry On

 I've navigated myself across the subway in NYC; through the crazy 

Asian cities of Bankok and Ho Chi Minh; waited for hours and 

hours for delayed flights on my travels

in Vietnam;  and even clutched onto a puppy for dear life 

while on the back of a moped. 

I've also had an extra night in Boston when a flight wasn't going out due to 

weather...or something

along those lines. 

(Bankok skyeline)

I have so many travelling nightmares, but in all that time I managed 

to navigate myself in 

not just one, but a few foreign countries where English 

was far from the first language. 

Yet the two times I've experienced panic attacks have both been in London. 

How

does this make sense?

The first attack struck on my way to Roehampton Uni, about two years ago, 

when I was runningvery late and none of the taxi services were available.

 (I arrived half an hour late on the first evening.)

This week on my way up to Mountview, I got lost trying to find Waterloo East. 

Normally I wouldgo via Clapham, but for some reason, in the early mornings,

 the journeys are different.

I found myself walking around Waterloo for at least ten minutes. 

My phone was almost out of battery.

I couldn't see the front of Waterloo East anywhere. 

I jumped in a taxi (in this frame of mind, I 

wasn't worried about the money!) 

The taxi driver dropped me at Waterloo East. He glanced at me and said,

 "I'm really sorry,

it must be shut because that's meant to be it!"

- and this was how it started. If a local taxi driver didn't know where it was, 

how on earth wasI meant to find it?

So I went back into Waterloo, panic beginning to rise. I had less than an hour, 

including the Covid one way system on campus, 

which is already complicated enough.

Within ten minutes I must have asked about three or four members of staff 

the best way to get to Peckham. 

First problem was, they all told me different routes. 

The second problem was, the app on my phone said that Waterloo East was shut.

Feeling completely astounded, I asked at the ticket office. 

She printed me a journey and said the next train was at 9.15, and I might miss it. 

At that point, it was already 9.12am. 

I took one glance ahead of me at Waterloo East

 (which I discovered was at the top of the escalators!) and decided I wouldn't even bother.

After calling my mum in a state of tears 

(I'd put my phone on charge at this point, thank GOD for

portable chargers!) I decided the best thing to do in this scenario was just to be late, 

get myself a cup of tea, and catch my breath.

For anyone reading this who's experiences panic, you'll know how exhausting it is. 

For those with dyspraxia, it's even more exhausting.

 It's not the fact that I couldn't manage

the journey; it was the overload of information in a very short amount of time; 

while beingin a rush to get to my destination. 

(What anxious thoughts might look like!)

It may be more noticeable in younger people and children, especially at

school where there are many anxiety inducing factors. But for adults, 

it's a strange thing. I would never consider myself to have

anxiety, but this week I realised that actually, I do have a form

of anxiety and the best thing to do is yes- you guessed it-

not to panic!

I'm not going to phrase it as a "Keep calm and carry on" thing, as it's more complicated than

that. 

It takes a lot of collective thoughts to tell yourself it's okay; it's okay to be late

and it's okay to put your health first. 

Even if you're desperate about being on time, rushing does NOT help. 

Even in a world where society is obsessed with time, putting your health 

first, for me, is becoming top of the list.

Keep calm and carry on, folks (as best we can!) x